Representative McCotter and Dog Bite Awareness Week

Thaddeus McCotter of Michigan sponsored a bill entitled House Resolution 419 in 2007. It apparently never got out of committee (bills that aren’t taken up in committee are wiped from the rolls after a legislative session and have to be reintroduced).

McCotter’s bill is here:

http://frwebgate.access.gpo.gov/cgi-bin/getdoc.cgi?dbname=110_cong_bills&docid=f:hr419ih.txt.pdf

I don’t think it’s specific enough in terms of penalties. I suggest jail time for owners of dogs, commensurate with the kind of jail time given to an adult human for similar bites. Since the dog owners own the dogs, they are responsible for the bites. If a dog bites a child, then it should be as if the owner him or herself has bitten the child. Reprimanding the dog does no good (can a leopard change its spots?), but the owner can be put in a kennel and the dog destroyed.

The National Postal Service endorsed McCotter’s bill.

While most of us can do nothing about Wall St. and the Madoffs, dog bites should be something we are all aware of, and thinking about all the time. All we need to do is make dogs illegal within homes, and within the limits of any town or village. At least that’s where I would begin. Ultimately, I would like to see a bill that made it illegal for a dog to be within a thousand miles of a human. Penalties would be five dollars per second (cumulative up until a trillion dollars).

This would also help the skyrocketing deficit. Why try to balance the entire budget on the backs of smokers and soda drinkers? Make the dog owners pull their weight.

As a former paperboy, I was bitten on several occasions by anklebiting terriers, chased by German shepherds, and attacked by pitbulls. I carried a baseball bat, and a pellet gun, but it was not enough to deter the wolves. Please make no mistake: dogs ARE wolves. When I see one on the street my heart pounds. I try to figure out an exit plan. Once I fainted and fell down on Main Street when I was approached by a miniature poodle with no apparent leash.

Above is a photograph of a child whose face has been bitten by a pitbull. She is one of 800,000 children EVERY YEAR who require medical attention thanks to dogs and their wolfly qualities.

Thanks to Thaddeus McCotter, the issue has received some attention. If he were to become president, I think we would finally have something done. Vote for Thaddeus McCotter! Save the children of America from the wolves living in our midst and mollycoddled by dog lovers.

I’m sure that in addition to police officers, postal workers, firemen and door-to-door salesmen, we could add cats to the list of those who would support the removal of dogs from within one thousand miles of any human. I support Thaddeus McCotter’s bill, but would add specific penalties that would add some bite to the proceedings. Bite Back, People!